Now as you may or may not know, I am a staunch believer in nothing. As in, I believe in no God, no heaven, no hell, and that there is no Devil. In other words, I'm an Atheist. Me and most of the internet, I know. I've believed in my none belief for a long time, probably five or six years now (which is a long time considering how old I am, and the fact that I used to go to Sunday School), and I've pretty much stood by that belief through thick and thin. There is no afterlife, and although the idea that people who do wrong in life will be punished in the next one is an interesting concept...It's just that. By my beliefs, religion is an invention of man, as is God, as is heaven, and as is the Devil because man kind simply cannot cope with his human instincts. We do 'sin', but it isn't our fault, we can't cope with the fact that we killed a man or that we upset our parents, we were possessed by the Devil, he gave us his urges to tease us. He leads us to temptation. We also cannot cope with the idea of losing our loved ones, they pass on into the afterlife where they will be happy, where we will reunite with them once more. I can understand why people believe that. Religion is a coping mechanism, but not one that I've had to or wish to turn to.
Well, recently, my view on this has changed a little. Not long ago, one of my closest friends passed away at just 15, weeks away from her sweet 16th. It was sad, incredibly sad, and my belief that there is nothing after life offered me no comfort. I want to believe that she is looking down on us, her friends and family, I want to think that she can still guide us and communicate with us because she cares, and can still care...But I can't, because I don't believe in the afterlife. When you're dead you're dead. And that belief doesn't help me in the slightest. Recently, it's hit me again that she's passed on (passed on being a phrase generally associated with the afterlife that I can't help but use) and I've been trying to communicate with her. Not your Ouiija Board and your sitting in a circle kind of thing, but sending her (and I know this is incredibly pathetic) messages through Facebook and Msn, because it gives me comfort that I'm sending some form of communication to her that can't be read by others. I know she can't read it, I know she never will and it hurts having to think like that, but I do because it's my belief and despite how much it wavers I'm stubborn and it holds fast. I can see why people turn to religion for comfort at this kind of time.
Anyway, I just posted this because I felt that this is something that I needed to say for myself, maybe give you a bit of insight into the personal beliefs of a hormonal teenage girl, going through her first real experience of grief.
Sunday, 4 September 2011
Thursday, 25 August 2011
GCSEs and the Grading System
The GCSE results came out today, and I was more than happy with most of them. 1 A*, 6 As and the rest of them Bs (let's just not go into what I got for AS German, it was very poor >.<!). But when telling some of my online buddies about my results, I realised something. They're American/Canadian, they have completely different grading systems, and they didn't know what was good or bad. So I translated them into Hogwarts Grades.
Outstanding= A
Exceeds Exceptions=B
Acceptable=C
Poor=D
Dreadful=E
Troll=F
As for A*? Well, you can just lump another O on there for good measure. As soon as I explained my grades like that, they understood. Maybe the Hogwart's grading system is Universal, because so many of us have grown up on Harry Potter or read it to your children, maybe it would be better if we just adopted this system of grading, just because it makes sense to the generation of Potter fans.
Plus, I think 8 Outstandings and 5 Exceeds Exceptions sounds better. It makes me feel like a wizard.
Oh, and us girls beat the boys again, they really need to step up their game!
Outstanding= A
Exceeds Exceptions=B
Acceptable=C
Poor=D
Dreadful=E
Troll=F
As for A*? Well, you can just lump another O on there for good measure. As soon as I explained my grades like that, they understood. Maybe the Hogwart's grading system is Universal, because so many of us have grown up on Harry Potter or read it to your children, maybe it would be better if we just adopted this system of grading, just because it makes sense to the generation of Potter fans.
Plus, I think 8 Outstandings and 5 Exceeds Exceptions sounds better. It makes me feel like a wizard.
Oh, and us girls beat the boys again, they really need to step up their game!
Sunday, 21 August 2011
I'm a pretentious A**hole
I've managed to get myself another summer project, this time entering a competition for Absolute Radio. All you have to do is write a project on something that you enjoy. Being stuck for ideas and deciding to do something a little bit different than most of the entrants, I decided to write mine about Progressive Metal, mainly focusing on my three favourite bands (Dream Theater, Opeth, and Pain of Salvation...If you didn't see Dream Theater coming up then you really haven't paid attention to the six posts that make up this terribly abandoned blog)
I decided to look back at what I'd written so far today before I did some more work on it (as I have a horrible habit of abandoning a project for weeks before returning to it) and couldn't help but laugh at how pretentious I came off as. In the first few sentences I had already slated 'romantic' song Grenade by Bruno Mars, and pretty much all of the Death Metal genre. Well done me.
I then go on to talk about how Progressive Metal has cojones. No real reason why I used the word cojones over the other words in my vocabulary, I just wanted an excuse to work cojones into my writing. At the same time I described Progressive music as being viewed as pretentious by many outside of the genre.
And if I'm entering a competition for a radio station that plays mainly mainstream and classic rock, then goddamnit I'm going to come off as a completely pretentious arse and do my 'pretentious' genre proud.
Fuck yeah.
I decided to look back at what I'd written so far today before I did some more work on it (as I have a horrible habit of abandoning a project for weeks before returning to it) and couldn't help but laugh at how pretentious I came off as. In the first few sentences I had already slated 'romantic' song Grenade by Bruno Mars, and pretty much all of the Death Metal genre. Well done me.
I then go on to talk about how Progressive Metal has cojones. No real reason why I used the word cojones over the other words in my vocabulary, I just wanted an excuse to work cojones into my writing. At the same time I described Progressive music as being viewed as pretentious by many outside of the genre.
And if I'm entering a competition for a radio station that plays mainly mainstream and classic rock, then goddamnit I'm going to come off as a completely pretentious arse and do my 'pretentious' genre proud.
Fuck yeah.
Monday, 23 May 2011
How to Revise for English Literature
1- Return home from school, switch on the computer, put on some Pain of Salvation so you have a 'trigger' in the exam.
2- Feel glad that you've gotten this far. Open up Facebook. Complain about revision.
3- Reluctantly dig out your AQA Anthology, which holds all the poems required for the exam. Do private, dramatic readings of the required poems to yourself until you get to 'My Last Duchess'
4- Go get dinner, you've earned it.
5- Continue reading through the poetry until you come to the end of your studied poems.
6- Check Facebook again.
7- Check the AQA mark scheme.
8- Make witty Facebook status concerning said mark scheme.
9- Sit back for a while. You've earned another break.
10- Start thinking about prom, allow these thoughts to distract you from revising and check Youtube for make up tutorials.
11- Perform said make up tutorial.
12- Curse your lack of concentration.
13- Write a blog post concerning revision as a product of your procrastination.
14- Finish blog post and eventually decide to go and do some more revision.
15- Theexam'stomorrowohshit
2- Feel glad that you've gotten this far. Open up Facebook. Complain about revision.
3- Reluctantly dig out your AQA Anthology, which holds all the poems required for the exam. Do private, dramatic readings of the required poems to yourself until you get to 'My Last Duchess'
4- Go get dinner, you've earned it.
5- Continue reading through the poetry until you come to the end of your studied poems.
6- Check Facebook again.
7- Check the AQA mark scheme.
8- Make witty Facebook status concerning said mark scheme.
9- Sit back for a while. You've earned another break.
10- Start thinking about prom, allow these thoughts to distract you from revising and check Youtube for make up tutorials.
11- Perform said make up tutorial.
12- Curse your lack of concentration.
13- Write a blog post concerning revision as a product of your procrastination.
14- Finish blog post and eventually decide to go and do some more revision.
15- Theexam'stomorrowohshit
Monday, 21 March 2011
The Creation of a Play
Yes, I know it's been a long time since I've updated, and no, I'm not going to apologise for it. Down in the real world, shit's getting pretty damn serious, what with exam season and all. Anyway, even though I'm not going to apologise for it, I am going to make this an extra long, hopefully less than rambly post that will be both informative and entertaining. And you know why it will be informative and entertaining? Because these past few months have been very busy for me. A few weeks ago, I got my History results back from my exam in January, A, 3 marks off of an A*, but that's not the most important thing that's happened to me.
Oh no, something magnificent has happened to me over the past few months, and I can't remember whether I've mentioned it to you at all. I wrote a 30 minute play, the first play I've ever written, and entered it into the Chesterfield's Young Playwrights Competition. I got through to the Semi-Finals, and it was performed this weekend.
I should really describe to you the shock I had when I first found out that I had gotten through to the final, however, I think it would be better to describe the shock of the person who rang up to tell me that I was a Semi Finalist. She called up whilst I was in school, and my dad answered the phone. My dad knows that anyone who knows me should realise that I'm in school at 2pm on a Wednesday afternoon, and so said down the phone, cautiously, that I was in school.
An awkward silence.
I think my dad told me that the next thing she said down the phone was 'How old is she?', to which her replied '15'.
Another awkward silence.
'Seriously?'
Anyway, I called her up when I got home after screaming a few times in excitement, and things progressed from there. No, it was the past few months where things really got hectic. As some of you may or may not have seen, the Derbyshire Times posted an article about the competition a week before the plays were performed, and it was only then that I realised the sheer enormity of my achievement. I was against Drama Teachers, Playwrights of 30 years, people with years of experience far beyond my own.
And what about the actors hmm? I met them all the man who played Seth, Darren Johnson (not the Darren Johnson on James LaBrie's Facebook friend list), has had a massive role in the English Soap Coronation Street, where he played PC Henshaw, and also had roles in 'Where the Heart is', 'Emmerdale', and 'The Royal'; A real actor, playing one of my characters! Corinne Handforth, with equally impressive credits, Norman Mills, and amateur actress Jayne Dent all starred in my play!
But it's all well and good telling you about who was in the play and their credits...But what about the subject matter of the play? Schizophrenia. Inspired by Dream Theater's Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence with it's message of tolerance and the interpretation of the subject matter. If they can approach such a subject artistically, why can't I? I was lacking inspiration when I found out about the competition, and as I always do when I lack inspiration, I whacked on some Dream Theater. SDOIT came on, and suddenly, I knew what I wanted to write about. Mental Illness. Which one? After some research, I decided that Schizophrenia would be the greatest to represent; After all, how many people confuse Schizophrenia with Multiple Personality Disorder?
The play was minimalist, no set, no props, just hand gestures and mime. The illness, the voices inside the protagonist's head were personified in the character of Seth. The story was told through her eyes, through which she saw her parents as monsters who cared more for their image than their daughter.
I was told I had potential, when the play was through I heard people whispering about the play all around, 'I can't believe she's only 16', 'That's such a mature topic', 'She'll go far.' Overall, I came second, one vote behind the person who came in first.
It was the first play that I wrote. I came second in a playwriting competition by one vote. I'm entering next year, and I already have my concept down. So let me leave you with the opening Monologue from my first piece of work, Monsters.
'Can you remember those stories your parents told you? The boogey-man and the bed bugs? Can you remember that they’d check under your bed, just so you could sleep with the light off? Those monsters were never real, Leah. The ones who slept in the room next to you, the ones with the eager eyes and bright lights…Maybe they were…'
Oh no, something magnificent has happened to me over the past few months, and I can't remember whether I've mentioned it to you at all. I wrote a 30 minute play, the first play I've ever written, and entered it into the Chesterfield's Young Playwrights Competition. I got through to the Semi-Finals, and it was performed this weekend.
I should really describe to you the shock I had when I first found out that I had gotten through to the final, however, I think it would be better to describe the shock of the person who rang up to tell me that I was a Semi Finalist. She called up whilst I was in school, and my dad answered the phone. My dad knows that anyone who knows me should realise that I'm in school at 2pm on a Wednesday afternoon, and so said down the phone, cautiously, that I was in school.
An awkward silence.
I think my dad told me that the next thing she said down the phone was 'How old is she?', to which her replied '15'.
Another awkward silence.
'Seriously?'
Anyway, I called her up when I got home after screaming a few times in excitement, and things progressed from there. No, it was the past few months where things really got hectic. As some of you may or may not have seen, the Derbyshire Times posted an article about the competition a week before the plays were performed, and it was only then that I realised the sheer enormity of my achievement. I was against Drama Teachers, Playwrights of 30 years, people with years of experience far beyond my own.
And what about the actors hmm? I met them all the man who played Seth, Darren Johnson (not the Darren Johnson on James LaBrie's Facebook friend list), has had a massive role in the English Soap Coronation Street, where he played PC Henshaw, and also had roles in 'Where the Heart is', 'Emmerdale', and 'The Royal'; A real actor, playing one of my characters! Corinne Handforth, with equally impressive credits, Norman Mills, and amateur actress Jayne Dent all starred in my play!
But it's all well and good telling you about who was in the play and their credits...But what about the subject matter of the play? Schizophrenia. Inspired by Dream Theater's Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence with it's message of tolerance and the interpretation of the subject matter. If they can approach such a subject artistically, why can't I? I was lacking inspiration when I found out about the competition, and as I always do when I lack inspiration, I whacked on some Dream Theater. SDOIT came on, and suddenly, I knew what I wanted to write about. Mental Illness. Which one? After some research, I decided that Schizophrenia would be the greatest to represent; After all, how many people confuse Schizophrenia with Multiple Personality Disorder?
The play was minimalist, no set, no props, just hand gestures and mime. The illness, the voices inside the protagonist's head were personified in the character of Seth. The story was told through her eyes, through which she saw her parents as monsters who cared more for their image than their daughter.
I was told I had potential, when the play was through I heard people whispering about the play all around, 'I can't believe she's only 16', 'That's such a mature topic', 'She'll go far.' Overall, I came second, one vote behind the person who came in first.
It was the first play that I wrote. I came second in a playwriting competition by one vote. I'm entering next year, and I already have my concept down. So let me leave you with the opening Monologue from my first piece of work, Monsters.
'Can you remember those stories your parents told you? The boogey-man and the bed bugs? Can you remember that they’d check under your bed, just so you could sleep with the light off? Those monsters were never real, Leah. The ones who slept in the room next to you, the ones with the eager eyes and bright lights…Maybe they were…'
Me with Darren Johnson and Corinne Handforth, aka Seth and Mary
Friday, 14 January 2011
There comes a time in every young woman's life...
Where she must sit exams to determine how well she will do in life. For me, that comes in the form of GCSEs, some of which I'm taking these next few weeks. So, what did I think was a good idea to do a few nights before my real examinations? Write a blog of course! Today, I'm going to be writing about the oh so interesting topic of revision. Because everyone wants to know how a random stranger revises, don't they?
Put simply, I can't revise. I don't do mind-maps, flip cards, notes, audio books, anything. Once I've learnt something I point blank refuse to go over it again unless I have the book that I learnt it from right in front of me. Take my History for example. Over the past few years I have made literally hundreds of notes on different topics, dates and names, events and time lines. But for the revision part of it all, I have to steal a textbook from school, pick it up, and read it. That is the only way that I will remember any facts, or orders of events.
Yes, I know, I know, I'm incredibly awkward, but then I have to write out all of the separate dates, because that is the one thing that I can't remember from solid revision, dates and time periods. I wonder why I even bother updating my History notebook, once it's been written in I never look at it again. Ever. God, this is such a rambling, nonsensical post. I wrote the first part a few days ago.
Since then, I got my English results back, I got an A! Out of the 300 students in my school who re-took their English, I was the only one who got an A. Though I should be proud of that, it was so depressing because everyone else was disappointed. I also only have two more exams to go; History and a 2 and a half hour German exam...I hate German, what a horrible, confusing language.
Put simply, I can't revise. I don't do mind-maps, flip cards, notes, audio books, anything. Once I've learnt something I point blank refuse to go over it again unless I have the book that I learnt it from right in front of me. Take my History for example. Over the past few years I have made literally hundreds of notes on different topics, dates and names, events and time lines. But for the revision part of it all, I have to steal a textbook from school, pick it up, and read it. That is the only way that I will remember any facts, or orders of events.
Yes, I know, I know, I'm incredibly awkward, but then I have to write out all of the separate dates, because that is the one thing that I can't remember from solid revision, dates and time periods. I wonder why I even bother updating my History notebook, once it's been written in I never look at it again. Ever. God, this is such a rambling, nonsensical post. I wrote the first part a few days ago.
Since then, I got my English results back, I got an A! Out of the 300 students in my school who re-took their English, I was the only one who got an A. Though I should be proud of that, it was so depressing because everyone else was disappointed. I also only have two more exams to go; History and a 2 and a half hour German exam...I hate German, what a horrible, confusing language.
Saturday, 8 January 2011
A Quick Overview
In the last post, you learnt about my ambitions when I was meant to be introducing myself as a whole. Now, I'm going to give you an overview of me as a person.
As mentioned before, I'm a fifteen year old. But what I didn't mention before is that I'm relatively short for my age. I stand at about 5'4" which, by itself means that people tend to think I'm younger than I really am. My hair is waist length and relatively unstyled, and I have to wear glasses...Glasses! I hate having to wear glasses, but apparently they make me look cute, yet another reason why people think I'm younger than I really am. Asides from the obvious height and hair issues, the rest of me suits my age. I'm a teenager, not a child from primary school, I have some kind of figure.
My favourite colour is black, or if we're getting technical then my favourite colour is red. No, that doesn't automatically make me a Goth or Emo as many people seem to assume, although I am a massive fan of the Gothic culture. The fashion and the literature are incredible, Dracula has made it's way onto my favourite books list, but I'm not a massive fan of the music. I like rock, metal and progressive metal, but if the lyrics hold meaning and carry a great message, then more often or not then I'll listen to it. I adore concept albums, which is probably why all of the Ayreon project and Scenes From a Memory are some of my most played albums. I also love Opeth, A Perfect Circle, and Pain of Salvation, though Dream Theater are undoubtedly my favourite band.
I think that's enough for this post. Bye guys!
As mentioned before, I'm a fifteen year old. But what I didn't mention before is that I'm relatively short for my age. I stand at about 5'4" which, by itself means that people tend to think I'm younger than I really am. My hair is waist length and relatively unstyled, and I have to wear glasses...Glasses! I hate having to wear glasses, but apparently they make me look cute, yet another reason why people think I'm younger than I really am. Asides from the obvious height and hair issues, the rest of me suits my age. I'm a teenager, not a child from primary school, I have some kind of figure.
My favourite colour is black, or if we're getting technical then my favourite colour is red. No, that doesn't automatically make me a Goth or Emo as many people seem to assume, although I am a massive fan of the Gothic culture. The fashion and the literature are incredible, Dracula has made it's way onto my favourite books list, but I'm not a massive fan of the music. I like rock, metal and progressive metal, but if the lyrics hold meaning and carry a great message, then more often or not then I'll listen to it. I adore concept albums, which is probably why all of the Ayreon project and Scenes From a Memory are some of my most played albums. I also love Opeth, A Perfect Circle, and Pain of Salvation, though Dream Theater are undoubtedly my favourite band.
I think that's enough for this post. Bye guys!
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