'That Goddamn Regret'

Everybody has done something they regret. I know I have. Some people, it's only minor regrets, wishing you'd revised harder for a mid term assessment, a bad choice in hair, make up, or clothes. But a lot of the time the regret is a lot more serious to you, maybe not terribly regretful in someone else's eyes, but in your eyes it makes you ashamed.

I've just realised how much I regret one thing in particular, I should have been regretting it for months now. I went against my own morals for someone else and it just hit me today how sick it makes me feel. My stomach is turning, and I'm just so angry at myself. As this blog isn't anonymous I'm not going to post exactly what it is I regret, but I can still talk (i.e vent) to you about this feeling of regret.

Yes, I do have minor regrets, only they're very minor. I tend to try and live for the moment. Emphasis on the 'try'. Unfortunately, I'm the kind of person who will always, always, dwell on the past, no matter how hard I try. I find it incredibly hard to let go of emotions I feel at certain points in my life because I naturally want to cherish them, no matter how painful or upsetting they are. I only let them go when another emotion replaces it on reflection, and lets face it, sometimes the emotions brought on by reflection can be even worse than the original emotions in the first place.

I tried to let go of some very painful emotions today, and all I felt afterwards was shame. I'm incredibly ashamed of what I allowed myself to do under the influence of another, it went against my morals, and for now at least, I feel truly disgusted in myself.

I'm going to try and wash myself clean of the whole affair. Literally, I'm going in the shower now.

P.S: Don't worry, it isn't anything illegal that I'm regretting, just things in general that I allowed myself to be influenced into doing :)

A Quick Overview

In the last post, you learnt about my ambitions when I was meant to be introducing myself as a whole. Now, I'm going to give you an overview of me as a person.

As mentioned before, I'm a fifteen year old. But what I didn't mention before is that I'm relatively short for my age. I stand at about 5'4" which, by itself means that people tend to think I'm younger than I really am. My hair is waist length and relatively unstyled, and I have to wear glasses...Glasses! I hate having to wear glasses, but apparently they make me look cute, yet another reason why people think I'm younger than I really am. Asides from the obvious height and hair issues, the rest of me suits my age. I'm a teenager, not a child from primary school, I have some kind of figure.

My favourite colour is black, or if we're getting technical then my favourite colour is red. No, that doesn't automatically make me a Goth or Emo as many people seem to assume, although I am a massive fan of the Gothic culture. The fashion and the literature are incredible, Dracula has made it's way onto my favourite books list, but I'm not a massive fan of the music. I like rock, metal and progressive metal, but if the lyrics hold meaning and carry a great message, then more often or not then I'll listen to it. I adore concept albums, which is probably why all of the Ayreon project and Scenes From a Memory are some of my most played albums. I also love Opeth, A Perfect Circle, and Pain of Salvation, though Dream Theater are undoubtedly my favourite band.

I think that's enough for this post. Bye guys!