Sunday, 4 September 2011

Grief, and how it alters your perception of religion

Now as you may or may not know, I am a staunch believer in nothing. As in, I believe in no God, no heaven, no hell, and that there is no Devil. In other words, I'm an Atheist. Me and most of the internet, I know. I've believed in my none belief for a long time, probably five or six years now (which is a long time considering how old I am, and the fact that I used to go to Sunday School), and I've pretty much stood by that belief through thick and thin. There is no afterlife, and although the idea that people who do wrong in life will be punished in the next one is an interesting concept...It's just that. By my beliefs, religion is an invention of man, as is God, as is heaven, and as is the Devil because man kind simply cannot cope with his human instincts. We do 'sin', but it isn't our fault, we can't cope with the fact that we killed a man or that we upset our parents, we were possessed by the Devil, he gave us his urges to tease us. He leads us to temptation. We also cannot cope with the idea of losing our loved ones, they pass on into the afterlife where they will be happy, where we will reunite with them once more. I can understand why people believe that. Religion is a coping mechanism, but not one that I've had to or wish to turn to.

Well, recently, my view on this has changed a little. Not long ago, one of my closest friends passed away at just 15, weeks away from her sweet 16th. It was sad, incredibly sad, and my belief that there is nothing after life offered me no comfort. I want to believe that she is looking down on us, her friends and family, I want to think that she can still guide us and communicate with us because she cares, and can still care...But I can't, because I don't believe in the afterlife. When you're dead you're dead. And that belief doesn't help me in the slightest. Recently, it's hit me again that she's passed on (passed on being a phrase generally associated with the afterlife that I can't help but use) and I've been trying to communicate with her. Not your Ouiija Board and your sitting in a circle kind of thing, but sending her (and I know this is incredibly pathetic) messages through Facebook and Msn, because it gives me comfort that I'm sending some form of communication to her that can't be read by others. I know she can't read it, I know she never will and it hurts having to think like that, but I do because it's my belief and despite how much it wavers I'm stubborn and it holds fast. I can see why people turn to religion for comfort at this kind of time.

Anyway, I just posted this because I felt that this is something that I needed to say for myself, maybe give you a bit of insight into the personal beliefs of a hormonal teenage girl, going through her first real experience of grief.

1 comment:

  1. Dear Ali

    While I have a much different outlook on religion and beliefs than yourself, I want to say this to you. I do not think that it is sad that you still message her on Fb even though she has passed away. I think she hears it as you type it anyways. I am a firm believer in life after death or should I call it Life after living. Death is but a door you pass through to continue on doing what you were initially doing. Life is one big learning vacation. Some decided to go home earlier than others. Her time, she felt, was finished? Or perhaps she got removed a little too soon and will be back to accomplish all that she had wanted to the last time? Who knows. What I do know is that, if you want to speak with her you've got to open yourself up to her and really believe. Allow yourself to just run with the possibility. What if she really can hear me? What if shes in this room with me right now? What would i say to her? the simple fact that you message her as though she wasn't deceased says a lot. I am sure she listens. And if you pay attention, if you listen close enough I know you will hear her response.